Once bitten, twice shy?

Hot and sweaty ….. (steady on you fiendish folk!) …..from having had the flu, lying in bed feeling like death, holding on to each other for dear life… “Marry me” he says. I look into his adoring eyes and say “I’d love to”.

Not quite the most romantic, fashionable or expensive proposal in the world, but at least we can say we’ve ticked the ‘in sickness’ part of the vows box already.

Now, I’ve been married once before (very long story, unhappy ending) and divorce cuts a huge chunk out of your heart, making you think that you’ll never believe in trust or love again.  Then, 5 years later, I met my man, we fell in love, we’re talking about children (a first for me!), and so despite vowing I’d never get married again, I find myself on the brink.

The being married bit is fine, the problem I have with marriage, is the actual event itself. All the added extras and trappings of modern day nuptials sees thousands of people draining away hard earned cash to look nice and to show off.  Having no money is somewhat of a drawback. People say you can do it on a few thousand pounds, not the 30 to 40 grand that is the ‘average’. That’s all very well for those that have, but what about for those of us who haven’t? Is love any less valuable because of income?

I appreciate it’s an important day, some say the most important, but if you play your cards right, you can have several days of happiness, not just one.   I don’t want to feel like an uncharitable cheapskate, but many of the weddings I’ve been to have been somewhat samey and predictable and I often wonder what happens to all the little bits of plastic tat with ‘bob and sue, together forever 2007’ (rewrite as appropriate) written on them.  Long after the confetti has annoyed the local residents and the sweeper, and the ‘conga’ has exhausted granny, will the bag of sugared almonds be emblazoned on anyone’s memory?

I also suppose deep down I worry that people will pass comment on my being a divorcee.  I can imagine the knowing looks and hushed words already.  One close family member was minded to labour the point about my first ‘mistake’ when the man and I announced we were getting engaged a few months ago, so you can imagine my excitement of going through that discussion again.

The cynic, the coward or maybe the realist in me wants to do something beautiful and beautifully understated, and just announce it to everyone after.


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